wordless

Tonight I must write and tell you I am sorry…

I have become wordless.

I often struggle to find the right words to place into moments as they dance past me. Perhaps I have been wounded one too many times by misplaced words. Echoing across the silence or flying high above the noise of the crowd these words originating from the voices of ones whom I love, ones I have only just met, or even scattered and thoughtless words rolling off my own lips.

I like breathing into words, placing them as they ought to be. Not rushed, not destructive but genuine, honest and life-giving.

This is precisely why I love writing letters. And receiving them. There is intentionality, thought and time etched across each page, in a way that daily life may not always grant us time for.

Perhaps this is why I find myself without words as the days rush past and slowly blur into the incomprehensibility of this new life, which I have walked whole-heartedly into.

Perhaps when I stepped onto the plane, took one step further away from my deep loves, I left too many words behind.

Or, perhaps all that I have seen, felt, heard, tasted and felt in this new and overwhelming city has opened up my heart to a new, unspeakable depth inside. Time will tell, in all her silence.

So today I ask forgiveness, for all you who’ve joined me on this journey, but have been left in the dust by my silence.

Tonight, am I who I was 8 weeks ago? No.

Can I explain why? Only in pieces, and absolutely incoherently.

What I do know is that I desperately long, with my whole might to paint you pictures,sing you songs and share my tears of life here, in this place.

May silence remind us of the beauty of our words.

May the words come in the morning, in those moments dancing by.

Informal Settlement?

I know that for myself, even though I have read and studied plenty, it has still been difficult to comprehend the conditions of those living in informal settlements around the world.

If you would like a better picture of the types of places I may be living and serving in, please take a look at this website, which has woven together pictures, sounds and stories from some of the slums around the world in a very vivid and beautiful way. Take a couple minutes to explore through this visual (turn your sound on) storytelling of settlements from around the world:

The Places We Live Link

It’s business time…

Well. Today I bought a fancy pair of shoes.

Despite the inner turmoil of purchasing a pair of shoes after giving away or selling the majority of my possessions in the summer, today I bought some anyways.

What I didn’t dream about when I decided to join this grad program and head into a slum community somewhere in the world, was the chance to enhance my technology (I think I going to have to buy a kindle. Oh gosh!) and my business wardrobe (which at the current moment, consists of, well… my new shoes)!

But here is the deal. At some point during my time abroad, (as much as I am going to hate this) I will have the opportunity to play my ‘White (North) American” (aka: Muzungu, in Swahili) card for the betterment of a group of oppressed peoples. To step into the role of advocate and to be taken seriously by business men or government officials, I must be presentable. And in Uganda, this means having well kept shoes. So today, I did something I never imagined in preparation for movement into the slums….

Today I blog-toast to fancy shoes! May they walk softly, dance endlessly, climb mountains, walk a path of transformation and be ever coloured by the dirt of a beautiful and foreign land…

 

One week of Wonders…

 

Wow! What an incredible week it has been. I have experienced some of the most raw and authentic moments of the summer in this place. Here are these amazing moments, in small pieces, which I welcome you to inquire about in more detail if you are intrigued…

– Scott from Scotland randomly walking into our campsite in Monterey, CA. He was going to meet us on Friday, he thought it was Wednesday, it was actually Friday. Amazing.

– 6 Hours in the car with Micah — hearing and telling life stories and realizing the significant of Bacon & Eggs in my life. Hilarious.

– In a brief moment before falling asleep in the open air thinking “rattlesnakes?” then inescapably falling asleep anyways.

– Unplanned but incredible dance-mob during Gogol Bordello. It started with 3 (Alessa, Dave & Sarah) and turned into hundreds, including a young girl with a fake moustache.

– Carnival Rides. Enough Said.

– Cotton Candy on the Ferris Wheel with Dave & Sarah, our excitement for Mumford & Sons building.

– Mumford & Sons. live. in a horse corral. under the stars.

– Dancing until I could hardly move to ‘The Very Best’, in the darkness, with my favorite people.

– Watching Jesse dance his heart out.

– Driving past an owl sitting in the left-lane of the highway, in the middle of the night. He was there and gone in the flash of the headlights.

– Sleeping in the van.

– Invitations to celebrate life.

– Meeting 2 of my new classmates AND roommates Sajira & Shannon!! Oh boy!

– Adopting the nickname of Wanderer…

– Sending off my new friend Lynette to participate in the WorldRace (check out her blog to the right)

– Finding a small gecko on my bed, letting him out the window then waking up to find him perched and watching me in the morning.

– Feeling completely at peace within the moment.

– Having a sleepover at my former house in Pasadena after being away for 2 nights. Brilliant!

– Discovering a cockroach in the kitchen — a small picture of life to come.

Until next time, yours truly – the freckled wanderer.

one week

Well it’s official. I have been in the LA area for just over a week now and I can sum up my time here with three action words

Walking – Praying – Sweating.

Over the past week I have been delighted to explore some of LA’s biggest attractions with my dear friends Jeff, Sammy and Cheri, I have moved temporarily into a wonderful house with 4 amazing young women in Pasadena and I have braved the heat (ranging from 95-105 Fahrenheit, yes Canadians that means 35-40 degrees!!) in an effort to explore the streets and do so as cheaply as possible, choosing to walk as much as possible versus taking transit. I have also spent a lot of time in personal reflection, prayer and worship – time that I have been longing for over the last 3, very hectic, weeks before my departure.

May the walking and praying continue…

Los Angeles

Well, I have arrived.

 

After a wonderful and long road trip down the West Coast with three of my favorite people, I have found myself in an unknown and so-far unexplored city. I look forward to getting into the rhythm of life here, I look forward to trying new things (like kite-surfing) and I look forward to getting back into the books.

 

I look forward to learning where I will be sent and connecting to people where I am at in the present. I look forward to unwrapping what God has carefully prepared for me in this place, in this time and with this beating heart.

 

Movement

Yesterday and today I have been cleaning out my room at the House of Commons and moving the remaining stuff to my parents house. What has caught be by surprise on a number of occasions is the emotions attached to this movement.

Throughout the day I have been joyfully and sorrowfully surprised by cards and notes, woven into the nooks and crannies of my bedroom, revealing the secrets of their creators; love, heartaches, encouragement, frustrations, joy and misunderstandings. I remember the importance of specific people in my life during specific times, I remember the emotions of these moments and I feel the bittersweet realities of this moment.

As the day carries on, I stand beside the compose trying to empty several vases of beautifully dried Brown-eyed Susan’s, Baby’s Breath, Snap Dragons and random pickings from gardens of the past. I stand beside the compose in tears over this symbolic goodbye to the places, people and moments that these flowers represent for me — which until this moment, were a daily reminder of the joy, laughter, surprise and comfort that, for me, were swept up in the faded colors and delicate petals.

And so I journey on — Rediscovering that the possessions worth the most to me are not the most expensive, beautiful or well-kept; they are the dried flowers, the mismatched bottles, the old smelly books, the notes and the reliving of memories.